Twelve months ago today I was falling in love. Yes love, the kind where your heart touches theirs while hugging and it just feels like home. How the very presence of their being just brings you overall happiness. The feeling of a million butterflies in your stomach when you see a text or call from them. The genuine concern for their problems because all of the sudden their well being becomes one of your top priorities. Falling was easy for me because at that time I felt like I was enough. I could be Margi Navarro without judgement. To this individual I wasn’t too much or too little of anything. I expressed myself freely and openly with everything. I really thought he was sent from heaven, yes! finally another soul that can appreciate my corkiness and odd sense of humor. It was magical and it was beautiful.
Now, this person and I no longer communicate. How does that even happen right? The answer is simple-lack of self-love on my behalf. I did what most of us women do and that is ignored the “red flags”. My excitement of connecting with someone else completely blinded me. I wasn’t listening to his needs because I was too busy consumed with my own agenda. We were great at communicating even the tough and uncomfortable conversations but sometimes our words didn’t match our actions. I thought that if I played it cool long enough he would realize my love for him but of course I was wrong. With time passing and nothing changing I became weary and eventually lost faith.
The turning point for me was when I began to blame myself for his own decisions. I started to think maybe I am not good enough? maybe I am not as smart as other women? maybe I don’t make enough money? maybe I am not attractive enough? How can you blame me when we live in a world where we’re constantly being told “you are not enough”. Society tells us what to do, where to live, how to dress, what to do for money, how we talk. Our authenticity is constantly being water downed to someone else’s liking or level of comfortableness.
No surprise there! of course these negative thoughts crossed my mind until one day I said a simple prayer’ “lord mend my broken heart”. This began the journey of healing for me. I started looking inward and doing some self evaluation. Daily affirmations are great but you have to dig deeper and deal with your subconscious in order to overcome that inner struggle. Ask yourself the real hard questions and answer them honestly. In other words- you better check yourself!
Today I sit in amazement because so much has changed for me in the past year. The woman that sits here today is so different than the one who existed even twelve months ago. Time is not a prerequisite for love, when you know you just do. Don’t be afraid to express how you feel ever! I am grateful for this lesson because I needed it in order to help build my character. It was a chapter in my life that I will always hold dear to my heart. I learned that it’s okay to open up and be vulnerable. Trust yourself, love yourself and enjoy the present moment. Never apologize for loving the only way your heart knows how. I can walk away confidently knowing that I will always be more than enough to the right person at the right time.